Friday, June 28, 2013

Knowing enough

We first met Scott & Kim during our "weekend intensive" with our adoption agency - a weekend-long introduction to the world of open adoption that was indeed, intense. There isn't much we remember about that weekend; our heads were spinning, our hearts were pounding, and the excitement made much of it a blur. We do remember Kim & Scott though and the genuine warmth that radiated from them. They were so authentic and friendly that we were delighted when Kim reached out to us 5 months after we went live, to ask how our wait was going.

Our friends and family have been wonderfully supportive throughout this process, but connecting with others who are experiencing the same highs and lows is incredibly comforting. Kim & Scott have been an open and available sounding board as we navigate our wait, and we couldn't be more grateful to have them in our lives. While we have physically seen them only a handful of times, Holly & I feel very bonded to them, and we look forward to the times we spend together online and in person.

While our open adoption journey brought us together, it's the things we have in common that round out our friendship. Holly & I love that they have two rescue dogs they obviously adore. Kim & Holly share a passion for running and had planned a 5k run together until a nasty cold thwarted those plans. I have very serious garden envy over Scott & Kim's incredible vegetable garden. Their interest in gardening goes deeper and further than food, and we very much admire their dedication to nature, its inhabitants, and its future. Both Kim & Scott are incredibly talented artists. Kim creates beautiful paintings and illustrations while Scott's woodworking skills are stunning in their craftsmanship and respect for the woods' origins. We think art and creativity are essential in helping every child develop an adventurous mind and reach their full potential. How lucky their future child will be!

Simply put, Kim & Scott are very real people who wear their hearts on their sleeves.  Kim is a natural nurturer. During our many Facebook messages, I can almost feel the warmth and hugs she's sending our way. She's an incredible listener and so easy to talk to, because with her, there is no judgement. Scott is a warm and gentle man who reminds us a lot of my late father. He's observant and engaged in a paternal way that seems to be second nature to him. We've laughed at ourselves and the absurdity of viewing your own life through a 'share-a-bility' lens as we maintain our social media presence. We've shared our insecurities about ever being 'chosen' and how impossible it is to not compare yourself to other waiting couples. We've shared the ups and downs of this crazy roller coaster we're on.

Much of this process is unnatural, and we don't know what we're doing. We're constantly brainstorming ways to showcase more of who 'we' are and the future we have to offer a child. This idea of writing blog posts about one another came to me after our agency's annual picnic. As usual, I was busily talking to anyone who seemed open to a conversation. So many huge stories to be heard. So many rich & vibrant lives to learn about. So many stories of loss & hope that I'd never have time to hear. I was getting bits and pieces, snippets of the hugeness, big personal bites of the much larger pie. I did have the pleasure and good fortune to speak with a birthmother & the adoptive family she chose to raise her son. Gently prodding her with deeply personal questions, I was honored that she answered.

Thinking of her and how she navigated through the even larger realm of choosing a family with only parts of each couple's story at her disposal, I thought of our relationship with Scott & Kim. We don't know everything about them, and neither will a birthmother who views their profile, but we know enough. We know that the child who finds its way to Scott & Kim will be very fortunate indeed. Loved with, what we see, as the perfect type of love. We hope a birthmother discovers them soon, and when she does, we'll be there with the biggest smiles.

Learn more about Scott & Kim here.  Be sure to read their beautiful blog here.

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