More Than Just a Run

Today I ran my first 5K, and it was awesome!!  I can't believe I just said that.  This from the woman who has never seen the purpose in running, unless it was chasing a ball when I was much younger.  Sure, my knees hurt, that last hill almost did me in, and my eyes itched with pollen, but I did it!  But as proud as I am of myself for taking on this challenge, the run ended up being about so much more than that.  In fact, I learned a lot about the kind of parent I want to be in those 3 miles.

This run benefited an organization called Girls on the Run of the Triangle, a character development program for girls ages 8-12 in our area.  Over four months, groups of girls participate in fun activities, community service, and running - along the way becoming more positive, healthy, and self-confident.  The culminating event of the program is a 5K run with their coaches, families, friends, and the entire community cheering them on.  I couldn't be prouder to have been a part of this run with these amazing kids.  But along the way, I also found myself thinking about the kind of role model I want to be for our child.

Here is my commitment to our future little one:
Yes, I will run in matching tutus like that Dad and daughter up ahead.
I will hold your hand while you reach your goals, even if it's just making it to that next stop sign.
Of course we can wear crazy, florescent, knee-high socks if it will make you smile.
I promise to be your loudest cheerleader, just like those race volunteers, reminding you that you're awesome and that you can do it!

Pre and post race photos with my friend and coach,

Michelle.  A beautiful day in downtown Durham!

A wrong number, Herons and a Baby Blanket

March 14th was the 6 month mark since we've been 'on the books' with our adoption agency. We've been actively waiting to be parents for much, much longer as most of you know.

It's hard not having any control over a future you so desperately want to realize. We maintain our Facebook & Pinterest pages, pay the bill for our 1-800 number so a birthmother can call us anytime, we check our adoption email and blog intermittently. Most of all, we try to ignore the waiting.

We think about the birthmother who will someday make our dreams come true. We silently send her strength and love, while we keep her in our hearts. We wait.

Our inbox remains empty and the phone hasn't rung until this week. I was in the middle of interviewing a new employee and couldn't take the call or listen to the message. Once in the car, my shaky hand touched 'listen' and I put the phone to my ear. Wrong number. Sigh.

It's hard to not get discouraged, but I'm taking that first telephone ring and a few other happenings this week to mean that we're ever closer to being Moms.

I spend the majority of my days outside without much distraction. I take many walks a day observing nature mostly. I regularly see bunny rabbits, deer, hawks, snakes, birds of all types and the occasional Great Blue Heron standing in a stream. I'm always struck by their majesty and their resemblance to the baby-toting Storks.

Yesterday while driving up the on ramp to get on the highway, a Great Blue Heron flew up the embankment and kept perfect pace with my car. It didn't soar upward, but stayed low while I watched it through my passenger window. It was remarkable and gave me such a joyful moment, I thought about it all night.

This morning I received a text from our dear friends Sally & Amy wondering if they could swing by with a gift. Um, yeah!! I went out front to chat with my neighbor Abby and her daughter Pearl, and wait for our friends to show up. We were talking washer/dryer options while Pearl dazzled us with her jump roping skills, when a Great Blue Heron went flying up the street! For those of you that don't know, we live in a populated neighborhood and Herons flying up the street is not even close to ordinary.

I was looking up the spiritual significance of the Heron on my iPhone when Sally & Amy pulled up with our surprise. They know of a woman in Florida that makes one-of-a-kind baby blankets. Prior to making the blanket the woman asks for a bit of info about the family and the sex of the baby, if known. Once she has those basics she creates a blanket with each family in mind, allowing the right colors to 'speak' to her. Sally & Amy explained to me that they shared our dreams of becoming Moms and how our future baby will become ours.

Along with a card that touched and warmed our hearts, there was a gorgeous baby blanket. Soft and stunningly crafted in brilliant shades of blues and greys, just like that Storky-looking Heron.

When. . .

Holly & I have said it hundreds of times; 'When we have a baby . . .' 

We've spent so much time trying to paint a picture of the type of life we lead, the home we'll provide and the parents we will be.  Through carefully chosen words (but not too many, because there are limits) and the best pictures we had on hand, we put together our profile. We hope that all that we are, all we envision and everything we are still destined to become, is visible in those pages. We worry that a birthmom won't be able to see 'us', the real us - not just those words and photos.

Part of blogging, and facebooking and pinteresting, is us trying to round out that profile. To fill in gaps. To be more us.

Sitting home on this cold, rainy eve staring down a big birthday this weekend, I'm again thinking about 'when' and allowing myself to dream a bit. Not too much, just simple things. If we had a child tonight, there would be soup simmering on the stove. We'd be making something silly with paint and making a mess of our big wooden dining room table. Music would be filling the house and we'd sing and take dance breaks. We'd eat and talk and laugh. After dinner there would be a bath and then we'd all cuddle up in our PJ's and read silly stories.

And we wait for 'when.'

Special Guest Blogger!

Our dear friend Virginia Ingram takes the blog reigns today.  She's been ever so helpful and supportive in helping us create a social media presence.  Her expertise, ideas, support and know-how have been invaluable to us and here she sheds a little more light on why/how social media plays into the open adoption process:

For an application to a professional program, I was asked to invent a word that could be adopted into the language and change the culture’s attitude to a particular issue.

There are very few words that I feel are able to do something so powerful.

While working on the application, I was talking with Heather (almost daily) about the Open Adoption process and the social media campaign that needed to be developed.

My hilarious and caring friend was getting ready to start sharing a lot of information online and open herself up to the kind and caring people on the internet – as well as all the trolls.

I was struck by her willingness to share, on social media, information about what makes her tick. Information about what makes her a special human being. Information about her relationship with Holly and what they love about each other. Information about the struggles they have had adopting a child. 

Their story was my inspiration.

Adoptsomedia  (noun)

1. A type of campaign where people willingly divulge personal details they wouldn’t

usually divulge. 

Adoptsomedia  (verb)

2. When you, begrudgingly, decide to make private information public to be

evaluated by unknown parties particularly when looking to adopt a child. 

Origin: 2012, United States

In context:

The term adoptsomedia was created to explain the phenomenon where potential

parents who want to adopt through Open Adoption are encouraged to create a social

media campaign to help birth mothers find them. 

Many of the potential families have already faced many private struggles through the

years when trying to conceive. The private struggles include fertility issues, trouble

conceiving and/or staying pregnant, and/or identifying the appropriate sperm donor

and/or surrogate. Before going “live” with a social media campaign, the would-be

adoptive parent(s) must be vetted by the FBI, local law enforcement, social workers and

the Open Adoption agency. This process takes more than a year. Once approved, the

adoptive parents may begin a social media campaign. To find a birth mother, many of

the adoptive parents make their struggles public and reveal information they would

never put online otherwise.  

Antonyms: 

fertileness, proliferation, easy, straightforward, perspicuous, effortless

Synonyms: 

transparent, laborious, emotional

In use:

At first I thought it was unusual that Ben and Stacey had a Facebook page to adopt a

child; now I understand it is all part of an adoptsomedia campaign. If I share what they

publish, I might be able to help them find a child who needs to be adopted. 

I’m still not sure the word is right, but the concept is right. What do you think? What would you name an “Adoptsomedia” campaign? How would you modify the definition?

Portrait of an Adoption

The Huffington Post has compiled a wonderful assortment of essays that explore the many faces of adoption.  We're excited to start reading . . .

We'll share some of our favorites as we go.  Hope you'll do the same.

100,000 miles

We've got the CRV.  We've had some fights too.
We've dreamt of a kid this awesome.

It's Holly's Birthday!!